I have been writing increasingly more and more over the years to encourage women who struggle with same-sex attraction. This is a struggle I have walked through, myself. I know the confusion, pain and loneliness that can go with it.
Over the years I have noticed several lies that the enemy collectively throws at women – myself included. One of them I have been hearing more and more. It can seem harmless in the beginning (because there’s often never any intent on following through with it), but it is anything but harmless.
This is the lie: “If I could only experience something (sexual) with another woman just one time, I could finally know what it’s like and get it out of my system.”
Just one time…
This is something so many women hear. Maybe you have heard it as well. I know I have. Just like any other sin, though, “one time” won’t satisfy anything. It will only open the door to wanting more.
I became sexually involved with another woman years ago, and it changed my entire life. It led me into a 2-year relationship with her, and this changed so much in me. It led me down a road that changed the way I saw women, the way I saw myself, and it opened me up to many other temptations down the road.
One time didn’t get it out of my system. One time gave me the experience of knowing another woman in a way I was never created to know her. One time opened me up to a relationship that took me in the opposite direction from what God intended for me.
“If I could only try that one time” may not seem harmful if you never expect to truly go there. Most Christian women don’t ever intend to become sexually involved with another woman.
What about fantasizing about another woman, though?
Many of us have struggled with this temptation to fantasize about someone very close to us. This could be a best friend or someone we highly respect. The problem is, as harmless as it can seem, fantasizing about another woman changes the way you see her. Not just in a fantasy, but in real life. It can draw you into pornography (like it did for me) or even into a relationship with that other woman you are fantasizing about.
This can happen, it does happen, and it is playing with fire.
The enemy loves to present these desires as harmless. He likes to present them as something we are missing out on.
Just like Eve.
“Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?” “You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. (Genesis 1: 1, 4-7)
Many of us who have had temptations like this with other women have taken this curiosity and dwelled on it.
The thought of being with another woman can seem like something we are missing out on. It can seem like a beautiful gift wrapped up just for us that we are being denied access to. I totally get that and understand if you feel that way. It is nothing of the sort, though. It is not as it seems. There is blatant evil and destruction hidden inside.
Any sin we blatantly participate in will take us places we never thought we’d go.
The continual thought and desire to have “just one” sexual experience with another woman is bait being offered to you by the evil one, himself.
I am not usually so direct in my posts like this, but I felt so strongly to write this post today. With same-sex relationships becoming more accepted by the church and it being portrayed everywhere you look more often than ever, I have consequently heard this temptation being voiced more and more.
One time with another woman will not satisfy you.
Only Jesus can satisfy your deepest desires.
How can He satisfy a desire that feels sexual? That troubled me for a long time, until I realized my own needs weren’t truly sexual at all. My true need was for intimacy. Deep intimacy with Jesus.
It gave me the ability to know Him in a way I never thought I could, and be known by Him in a way that I never knew I could.
For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things. Psalm 107:9
Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
When we look to Him to fulfill us and satisfy our desires, He will. It is a process, but as I developed intimacy with Him over the years I started finding that satisfaction and fulfillment in Him (in many different areas – not just this one).
This is real! It’s not just a bible verse or concept for someone else. Jesus can fulfill you in the deepest of ways. He can satisfy your soul.
If you have been toying with the thought of wanting to be with another woman just once to see what it’s like, I pray that you see it is a trap set for you by the enemy. It’s wrapped up in a way that looks satisfying, but it is truly anything but that.
Jesus can satisfy your soul. That longing in your heart can be filled by Him. This isn’t just an empty promise. It is something I have known to be true in my own life. Others have discovered it as well.
It doesn’t mean all your temptations will we wiped away in an instant, but it means those temptations start to become powerless and less appealing when you know what’s behind them and where true satisfaction be found.
If you have been actively engaging in thoughts of what it would be like to be with another woman just one time, I pray this spoke to you today. If this is something you have been tempted with and have been needing encouragement through this battle, I have written several articles about this. I understand your battle and would love to pray for you if given the opportunity.
Father God I pray for every woman reading this. Whether she has been tempted by the thought of being with another woman, whether she is involved in pornography, fantasy, or whether she is involved with another woman right now, I pray that you set her free. I pray that you show her where true satisfaction can be found. I pray that you show her who you made her to be and how much you love and cherish her. I pray that she lays all of this down before you and surrenders it all to you. I pray that you show her how to untangle any relationships that are idolatrous and how to see other women the same way you do. Show her how to renew her mind and find life in your written word. Help her to give herself to you in a way maybe she never knew she could, and show her what intimacy with you is. Heal her heart and set her free. I proclaim healing and freedom for her, in Jesus’ name. I command chains of bondage to break, in Jesus’ name. I come against any lies and deception spoken to her by the enemy, and I call it all fruitless and powerless, in Jesus’ name. Thank you Holy Spirit for exposing the lies of the enemy and showing her the truth. Thank you for loving us enough to show us the truth and where we can truly find life, hope and fulfillment. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.