Are you contemplating leaving your husband for another woman?
I’m not usually this direct in my posts, but I felt very strongly to write this today. I know you can’t see my face as I write this, so I want to say ahead of time that I am not writing this to condemn anyone. If you know me, I trust you know I’m writing out of empathy, concern, and also as someone who once contemplated doing this.
Maybe you would never physically leave your husband, but you are in the middle of an emotional affair with another woman. Maybe you wouldn’t even call it an emotional affair, but reading this is causing you to realize that this may be describing a friendship you have.
This is a dangerous place to be.
Many years ago I was wrestling with a very strong desire to be with another woman. I was watching lesbian porn all the time, fantasizing about being with another woman and contemplating leaving my husband because of it all.
I am so thankful now that my thinking started to scare me. I eventually repented and told my husband everything. Although I never left him, I was left with a huge mess that needed cleaned up in my heart and in my marriage.
Now our marriage is much better, happier, and healthier than it has ever been, but he still doesn’t fulfill me. (I am quite sure he would tell you that I don’t fulfill him, either.)
Does this mean our marriage is empty, and I should have actually left to be with another woman?
No. The enemy used to whisper that to me all the time, though. Thankfully, the more often I ignored those whispers, the less often they came.
I don’t believe those whispers anymore.
Your husband is not going to fulfill you. He can’t. He’s not created to fulfill you, just as you are not created to fulfill him. Only God can fill this place in your heart.
If you leave your husband for another woman, this will put up a huge barrier between you and God. I have had women tell me that they are willing to take that chance, because being with another woman just seems more fulfilling. This breaks my heart (and God’s) because that’s simply not true.
If you are having an emotional affair or flirting with another woman, thinking it is harmless, you need to know you are playing with fire. This can very easily turn into a physical affair. That changes everything, and I mean everything.
I completely understand what it’s like to wrestle with same-sex attraction when you are married. I also know the emotional connections women can form with each other that don’t often look or feel the same with a man. I know the emptiness that can be there as a result.
I also know those lies that the enemy loves to whisper. They don’t feel like lies, but they are.
The answer is not leaving your husband for another woman, thinking she will fulfill your emotional, relational, or sexual needs. Another woman cannot fulfill you. She was not created to do that.
Only Jesus can fulfill you. Only Jesus can fulfill me.
Maybe you are already having an affair, and you feel like it’s too late. It’s not too late. It may hurt to get out, and you will undoubtedly go through a grieving process, but it will eventually hurt you more if you stay.
You do not have to go through this alone. Jesus is by your side and will walk with you through this. If I can pray for you concerning this, please let me know. I am not so far removed that I forget how this feels and how isolating it can be. It just about ripped my heart out. There are others who have walked through this as well. We get it.
Maybe you have been trying to develop a deeper relationship with God but have still felt distant from Him. Please don’t give up.
Developing intimacy with Him is a process. I’m still in that process as well! Lay all of this down before Him. Surrender it to Him. He is not condemning you. He is throwing a life preserver out to you.
Pour your heart out to God about this. He loves you and sees you. Ask Him to forgive you. He has helped me, saved me, delivered me, and healed me (and continues to do so). I am not someone who’s more special than anyone else. Your journey will look different than mine, but I know He can do the same for you.